Wednesday: A Soft Rant...

You know what I don’t like… chicks with dicks, but never mind that right now. What I want to get into is something I rarely get into, tennis. And no, not guys tennis… I’m talking about the ladies. Well wait a minute, I’m talking about women’s tennis but I’m not sure this “woman” (and I use the term loosely) qualifies as a woman. I mean I guess if you are going to argue that she does have boobs and probably a vagina then sure she MIGHT qualify. In case you don’t know who I’m talking about then you are stupid so I’m just going to tell you. Serena Williams… there I said it.

She is a CHAMPION! She kicks some major ass when she is between the white lines… and the baseline… and the net… and the other couple lines on the… LOOK, YOU GET THE IDEA. Serena will eventually be the greatest tennis player in the whole wide United States and maybe the world. One time during a match in mid-volley she did the back spin. AMAZING.

Think about this… she is 28 years old and she is an ANIMAL! I mean she is literally an animal. What I think happened was a North American black bear fuck a football and the football had a kid and that kid grew up to be Arthur Ashe then he fucks Billie Jean King who gave birth to a kid and that kid grew up to be some guy named Richard but Richard fucked some lady named Oracene and as crazy as this is going to sound… she gave birth to a football (again). Well the football hatched and out of the leather and lace was born a middle linebacker named Serena Williams.

But watch out… Serena has a dark side (quack, quack). She has a bit of a temper. Serena has been known to attack in the middle of matches and without warning.

We have an exclusive picture of Serena attacking this poor white girl:

Why is Serena Williams so good at tennis? I have no clue but you can ask “why” to just almost anything…

Why doesn’t she have football skin?

Why does she look like a man?

Why is she naked in this picture?

Why do I have a picture of cheese on this blog?

It really doesn’t matter and I don’t know about you but I need to cleanse my pallet of all football ball beast lady let’s see what else is out there:

I just discovered something… Serena Williams is with a doubt a BAMF (Bad Ass Mo Fo) but give me a hot girl who can hold a tennis racket over Serena Williams any day. She might know how to win between the white lines… and the baseline… and the net… and the other couple lines on the…FUCK, you get it… but Serena will never know the combination to my underwear.

Ok snitches, I’m out I have a 1000 piece puzzle to put together and it’s not going to put itself together. I leave you with inspirational words from my mother, “You’re a pussy” but never mind that, what she also said was, “PEACE!”