As many of you people know I am a football fan. I am 6’-4” 240 lb. BLACK former football player with huge genitalia and I love sports, especially football. I know lots of dudes and dudettes who love when football season rolls around because despite what those butthole baseballers say, football is America’s favorite past time. I know plenty of guys who get together and watch the NFL draft, including myself (which is about 8 hours of boring) but I watch it because by the time the NFL draft rolls around I’m so ready for the season to begin I will watch just about anything football. I watch the draft, mini-camp updates, NFL football, semi-pro football, college football, high school football and I even keep up with the LFL (Lingerie Football League) somewhat. With the LFL I don’t really care for the football stats but I do care about their physical stats.
The only thing I don’t care to watch is NFL Pro Bowl. I hate watching that plain vanilla football at the end of a great season. You get the highs of the college bowl games then the NFL playoffs THEN you get this tub of crap at the end of the football season. Well this season they decided to play the Pro Bowl between the championship games and the Super Bowl which makes ZERO sense. For all the fans who want to see their favorite player in the Pro Bowl (if they watch it at all) might not be able to because that player might playing in the Super Bowl, like Peyton Manning. How fucked it that??
So you get some kids to replace all the athletes who are playing in the Super Bowl which makes the Pro Bowl even more watered down then it usual is. New Orleans and Indy have 14 players combined voted into the Pro Bowl this year. So 14 players will need replacements for the Pro Bowl because they are playing the following week in the Super Bowl… what’s up with that?? That’s pretty fucked up but let’s do this retarded NFL math; if each team is allowed 53 players on the Pro Bowl team (53 + 53 = 106 players total+14 replacement players =120 players) AND WE DIDN’T EVEN COUNT THE INJURED PLAYERS REPLACEMENTS!! So instead of seeing Peyton Manning you will get David Garrard and Tony Romo slips in there too. I’m sure people won’t see the difference. I know if I went to a Metallica concert and they replaced them with Hootie and the Blowfish I wouldn’t know if anything had changed (except that I would have paid $100 to see Hootie when I could have seen then for $10).
So let’s just say the grand total of Pro Bowl players is 130. This means 24 players will be labeled as “Pro Bowlers” who didn’t get the votes to be Pro Bowlers in the first place. Something has to be done about the horrible… hmmm… honor?... Is that right word to use? I think I know a way to A) keep people interested in the game, B) cut back on the amount of fake Pro Bowlers and C) make the Pro Bowl fun.
The Plan to make the Pro Bowl better:
1. Move the Pro Bowl to somewhere around July 4st. Before preseason is the best place for it. The 2009 Pro Bowlers will play before the 2010 preseason begins. The starters don’t really play in the preseason anyway so this won’t hurt them in the grand scheme of things and you can make it into a BIG Kick Ass American Independence shindig (sponsored by James Dalton of the movie Road House).
2. Most, if not all, of the players are healthy which means we won’t have to watch Tony Romo when we want to see Brett Favre. And if the player retires then that player can play or not play… it makes no real difference, it’s his choice.
3. If the NFL’s not going to send the players to Hawaii anymore then the whole ordeal should only take a couple days. Send the players to different places every year. Maybe even places that will draw the fans in like Mexico City or San Antonio.
4. Usually the veterans’ are the players making the Pro Bowl teams so they can handle missing some preseason prep time with the teams they play for. Plus the time away is so short that they may not even miss any practice.
5. Instead of playing a football just make it weekend of playing games. Everyone wants to see football so how about playing a flag football tournament. What about a skill competition, everyone loves those things. Maybe a volleyball game (Robert Edwards’ injury was a freak accident, don’t be afraid of volleyball). What about dodge ball… or relay races… or an eating competition… or a spelling bee. WAIT, maybe a spelling bee would be a bad idea, we better not expose their intelligence or lack of. But for the most part all these things promote conditioning (with the exception of eating comp.) so they don’t have to practice, it’s fun for the players and fans and it’s done in a couple days.
6. The fans are craving football… anything NFL will sell. So even if they did play a regular boring game, fans will watch because they have been waiting for the season to begin.
It can’t be that hard to play a simple game and get fans to tune in and watch. Well I’ve got to go… I see 18 inches of daylight, and just like my main man Gale Sayers, that’s all I need.
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