Over the past 6 months or so I have been noticing thing around the city that I would like to change… in fact there are thing worldwide that I would like change. I’m going to take baby steps and do this thing one entry at a time.
If I were mayor my first article on the agenda if to STOP WOMEN FROM DRIVING. I don’t know how many times I gotta see these maidens of the highway mess up traffic for the real people of America (the white working men and I’m not talking about black men because they don’t work). 
Reason 1: You ladies love talk on the phone every second you can so while you are driving to work you are talking, driving home you are talking and at home you are talking… there is even a commercial on tv that shows some chick talking on the phone while she is showering (typical). What is so important that you HAVE to tell everyone in your address book while on your daily commute? AND if you are going to do to something other than drive could you do something that might benefit us all like playing the quite game. 
Reason 2: You ladies love to dominate the fast lane with your super slow driving. If the speed limit is 60 mph on the interstate then you girls will drive 60. NOW I’m totally ok with everyone driving the speed limit but do America a favor and keep your chatty ass off in the baby lanes where you belong. The far left lane is for drivers who like driving and getting where they’re going. Every morning ladies take up all 5 lanes of traffic, going the same speed, talking on the phone, just obliviously driving through life. And every morning I ride the ass of the car in front of me because she is going 60 in the “fast lane.” A little note to you ladies (in fact to everyone wondering why someone rides your ass, it’s because you are going too slow, pick it up). You ladies wanna go 60 on the interstate be my guest… go ahead and have those 2 right lanes, you don’t belong on the left side. 
Reason 3: When guys wreck while driving it’s usually for a reason, blown tire, fell asleep, gun shots, road rage or some crazy woman who is bleeding for no reason stops in the middle interstate cause they saw a koala bear or fuckin’ teletubby darted across the road. So not all wrecks are caused by women just a lot more that we need. Plus when guys crash out it’s a normal wreck… you ladies have crazy wrecks where the car ends up on top of a Whataburger or upside down in a parking space.
Reason 4: Why is it so hard to just listen to the radio and drive, why must you document your trip with pictures of yourself driving? Do you really need a bid flash spot in your eyes while driving to your PTA meeting, the grocery store or the vagina doctor? 
So ladies get those bus passes ready cause when I’m mayor your driver’s license will be just a government issued piece of paper verifying you’re 18 and that is old enough to babysit my balls!
PS… as mayor these laws do not apply to my female friends, sisters, any other family members of mine and/or transvestites.
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