Wednesday: Rant

Well it’s Wednesday and I’m somewhere between a beer buzz and cloud nine. I’m ready to write but my mind isn’t into it… YET I press on for the fans. So let’s get into today rant:

So this goes out to all you clueless sports fans that like to confuse everyone in the world with your attire. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to a Dallas Stars hockey game and somewhere, in the crowd, is a douche that is wearing the sweater of another team. The last game I went to was the Stars vs. Oilers and I saw a LA Kings sweater, a Detroit Red Wings sweater, a Calgary Flames sweater and a metric ton of minor league sweaters. If World War 3 was happening and the world gave us 2 uniforms to choose from AND WE HAD TO CHOOSE ONE… there would be 5% of the population that would run around naked. As a society we don’t like to follow rules and we love to announce it to everyone and this is just a small example.

I’m not saying you have to go out and buy a $250 sweater of a team you don’t like, just choose one of the 6 colors of the 2 teams playing and show some support. Yes I understand you are not a fan of Dallas or else you would have a shirt or something that says STARS on it. Please leave your shitty sweater at home…

As much as I hate the super fan, you know the person who everything he/she’s wearing is the team he/she loves. Quick hit at those people: A shirt is just as good as wearing shoes, shorts, shirt, jersey, hat, buttons, wristbands, socks, underwear, headband, cap, fedora, necklace, earrings, bracelets, anklets, sunglasses, face pant, six shooters, and whatever else your jerk offs wear, all at the same time. Why can’t you ladies be super fans of showing your tits, or dudes be super fans of staying the fuck out of my way when I drive to work. Sorry, let’s continue…
What really gets up my ass more than anything is the guy who wears a sports jersey to the wrong sport. Why do you think it’s cool to wear a Dallas Cowboys jersey to a Dallas Stars game?? Yes they are both Dallas teams (sort of) but different sports and different colors. Damn, is this really what you wanna be doing when Jesus comes back?

And then there is the RARE find… I’ve only seen this a couple times. It’s like a unicorn or a woman’s happiness, it's complete myth. A couple games ago I was walking through the halls of the AAC during a Dallas Stars game when I saw a guy wearing a University of Texas football jersey! The only thing that was right about the outfit was that he was covering that gut of his. Fuck people…

Here is a quick checklist to achieve proper fandom:

1. Know what sport you are attending

2. Know what TEAMS are playing

3. Know the colors of the teams playing

4. Choose a color for support between the 2 teams playing

5. Leave the sombrero at home, the kid behind you can’t see

Here are some things I will allow:

1. If it’s cold and all you have is a UT coat, you may wear it

2. If it’s laundry day and all you have to wear is that

3. If you always wear a hat and you only have one then be my guest

Thanks for listening, now I’m going to perform what some in the gay industry might call a “hard out”… ADIOS BITCHES!