Friday: Almost...

It's almost here... can you feel it?? The sky is colorful, the ground is colorful and my HDTV is colorful. Every day when I get off work I wanna go home and just relax…

soak in some Scooby-Doo…

eat a whole bunch of nothing…

drink my Colt 45…

order my fat white woman around…

beg her for some of "dat sweet azz"…

get rejected then 15 minutes later get that ass afterall…

avoid the kids…

talk some shit…

turn on the playstation 3 and this time talk shit to 14 year old kid with the screen name CUP_DA_BALLZ while playing "Call of Duty 2"…

eat dinner (chicken again)…

avoid some calls but text random girls behind my white-woman Sara's fat ass (she'll never leave me)…

stay up 'til 6 in the morning teaching these kids a lesson in teamwork on the PS3…

then get ready for work, there is no rest for the weary.

Oh and that job I spoke of at the beginning of that rrrrun-on sentence, I use my washboard abs to clean clothes cause that's how I roll. Ha, I'm just kidding guys, I don't have a job but don't worry about me I getst minez.

Shit, I forgot! I know why it's so colorful everywhere... Feb. 1, 2010 is almost upon us. First we take over your "White house" now the month of February.

Thursday: Bloggie Style

This is Ashley Greene... she is from the Twilight movies and flippin hot. I wonder what all the fuss is about the those two queers Edward and Jacob when Everyone should be "Team Ashley."
Is it guy that I knew about the teams...

... Oh and if you didnt know she is a dirty girl. she has some nude pics and I'm talking all the way nude!

Wednesday: Rant

As many of you people know I am a football fan. I am 6’-4” 240 lb. BLACK former football player with huge genitalia and I love sports, especially football. I know lots of dudes and dudettes who love when football season rolls around because despite what those butthole baseballers say, football is America’s favorite past time. I know plenty of guys who get together and watch the NFL draft, including myself (which is about 8 hours of boring) but I watch it because by the time the NFL draft rolls around I’m so ready for the season to begin I will watch just about anything football. I watch the draft, mini-camp updates, NFL football, semi-pro football, college football, high school football and I even keep up with the LFL (Lingerie Football League) somewhat. With the LFL I don’t really care for the football stats but I do care about their physical stats.

The only thing I don’t care to watch is NFL Pro Bowl. I hate watching that plain vanilla football at the end of a great season. You get the highs of the college bowl games then the NFL playoffs THEN you get this tub of crap at the end of the football season. Well this season they decided to play the Pro Bowl between the championship games and the Super Bowl which makes ZERO sense. For all the fans who want to see their favorite player in the Pro Bowl (if they watch it at all) might not be able to because that player might playing in the Super Bowl, like Peyton Manning. How fucked it that??

So you get some kids to replace all the athletes who are playing in the Super Bowl which makes the Pro Bowl even more watered down then it usual is. New Orleans and Indy have 14 players combined voted into the Pro Bowl this year. So 14 players will need replacements for the Pro Bowl because they are playing the following week in the Super Bowl… what’s up with that?? That’s pretty fucked up but let’s do this retarded NFL math; if each team is allowed 53 players on the Pro Bowl team (53 + 53 = 106 players total+14 replacement players =120 players) AND WE DIDN’T EVEN COUNT THE INJURED PLAYERS REPLACEMENTS!! So instead of seeing Peyton Manning you will get David Garrard and Tony Romo slips in there too. I’m sure people won’t see the difference. I know if I went to a Metallica concert and they replaced them with Hootie and the Blowfish I wouldn’t know if anything had changed (except that I would have paid $100 to see Hootie when I could have seen then for $10).

So let’s just say the grand total of Pro Bowl players is 130. This means 24 players will be labeled as “Pro Bowlers” who didn’t get the votes to be Pro Bowlers in the first place. Something has to be done about the horrible… hmmm… honor?... Is that right word to use? I think I know a way to A) keep people interested in the game, B) cut back on the amount of fake Pro Bowlers and C) make the Pro Bowl fun.

The Plan to make the Pro Bowl better:

1. Move the Pro Bowl to somewhere around July 4st. Before preseason is the best place for it. The 2009 Pro Bowlers will play before the 2010 preseason begins. The starters don’t really play in the preseason anyway so this won’t hurt them in the grand scheme of things and you can make it into a BIG Kick Ass American Independence shindig (sponsored by James Dalton of the movie Road House).

2. Most, if not all, of the players are healthy which means we won’t have to watch Tony Romo when we want to see Brett Favre. And if the player retires then that player can play or not play… it makes no real difference, it’s his choice.

3. If the NFL’s not going to send the players to Hawaii anymore then the whole ordeal should only take a couple days. Send the players to different places every year. Maybe even places that will draw the fans in like Mexico City or San Antonio.

4. Usually the veterans’ are the players making the Pro Bowl teams so they can handle missing some preseason prep time with the teams they play for. Plus the time away is so short that they may not even miss any practice.

5. Instead of playing a football just make it weekend of playing games. Everyone wants to see football so how about playing a flag football tournament. What about a skill competition, everyone loves those things. Maybe a volleyball game (Robert Edwards’ injury was a freak accident, don’t be afraid of volleyball). What about dodge ball… or relay races… or an eating competition… or a spelling bee. WAIT, maybe a spelling bee would be a bad idea, we better not expose their intelligence or lack of. But for the most part all these things promote conditioning (with the exception of eating comp.) so they don’t have to practice, it’s fun for the players and fans and it’s done in a couple days.

6. The fans are craving football… anything NFL will sell. So even if they did play a regular boring game, fans will watch because they have been waiting for the season to begin.

It can’t be that hard to play a simple game and get fans to tune in and watch. Well I’ve got to go… I see 18 inches of daylight, and just like my main man Gale Sayers, that’s all I need.

Tuesday: Lying

The one thing that is pretty popular around places like Myspace and Facebook is the stupid angled picture. I was thinking about this the other day, while in the restroom and I totally understand the ladies desire to take pictures of themselves using the crazy angle shot. You want to put your best foot forward; believe me I get it.

But one of the things I hate about these girls taking pictures in this way is that it is another form of lying. You are lying to all the guys who see these hot pics because you have a pretty face and a not so pretty lady body.



There is nothing wrong with saying “I have a couple extra pounds” or “I’m fat as fuck” or whatever. I like it when a girl declares when she is big. I don’t care if you scream it from the mountain tops (That is your business) but if they are a decent person they will poo-poo yourself image and give you a compliment despite your harsh description of yourself; but when you are lying to yourself, as well as lying to others about it, people think to themselves “That fat bitch is crazy!”

You really have to ask yourself which one is better… you can be the honest girl people love or the delusional girl guys use then discard when we find a thinner chick with better self esteem.

PLUS when I’m whoring around myspace I don’t wanna get caught up in your “fat-girl tornado.”

But sometimes a picture can go shitty even if you are a pretty girl. Take this picture below…

Wow, that isn’t the worst ass but it’s not safe for consumption. Then when you pull out (Ha!), you will see that she is actually pretty normal chick and maybe even kinda hot.

Look ladies, I love women… all women (maybe I don’t love the fat chick as much but to be honest you girls are human by definition only). So I’m going to stay on my side of the yard (where the green grass is) and you stay on your side (where the grass is gone because you were hungry).

I’m just kidding big girls, I love you all… I do… I really do… from far away. Well I worked up a lather (so to speak) so I’m gonna go beat off to pictures of some hot 110 pound chick.