The 2009 National Douchebag Tournament

Here at Kiss my man junk, Inc. we have over 300 person employees half of which are in the research department and we hear the voice of the people. People across the world are filling out their brackets for that NCAA thingy... but you really should be looking at REAL tournament... "Douchebag 09."

The people have spoken. Just this morning some old bitch on her rascal stopped a young 6’6” black man in the lobby of our downtown offices just to tell him how much she hates Memphis guard Tyreke Evans because of his crappy game against Xavier in mid November. She also said he has a weak jumper and his shoes are ugly. I’m pretty sure she was profiling but what I think what she was trying to say is SHE IS TIRED OF THE SAME OLD BRACKET!!

Let’s find the biggest douche of MARCH MADNESS!

Fill free to print out this bracket and work your magic, I will update this site to tell you the outcome of these match ups. (click the bracket for a bigger image) *you size queen*

Right now: Katherine Heigl vs. Ryan Seacrest are fighting it out for the last spot on the board... winner goes against Chris Brown; I don't know if either one having the stamina for that fight.

Katherine Heigl

What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Declining an Emmy nomination last year because last season's scripts on Grey's Anatomy weren't "good enough" definitely qualifies her as a great big bag o' douche. She had no problem collecting enormous checks for being on the show, but then decided it was her duty to throw the show's writers under the bus. But the joke's on her: Grey's Anatomy always sucked.

VS

Ryan Seacrest

What Makes Him A Douchebag:
The perennial douchebag, Seacrest's combines a pretty boy smugness with the world's blandest personality. Listening to him suck up to celebrities and pretend that photos of Brad Pitt walking into a Starbucks are actual news makes you want to slap the facial right off his...face. Seacrest out (of everything except the closet.)

I Hate this French guy!!

Do you know Jamel Debbouze? He is a French actor/comedian... still don't know who he is? Well no one should know him but EVERYONE should know his wife. Her name is Melissa Theuriau. She is a French journalist and news anchor for M6. She is WAY too hot for his awful looking ass, PLUS he doesn't even seem interested in her. What a French fag!

Look how skinny he is!! In Darfur he is the fatest guy on the block but in America your just gay.

Now in case you didn't know exactly what Melissa Theuriau looks like while she's doing her job... here you go. You're Welcome!

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Now Minus Jon

Jon Gosselin, the father with eight kids the raging bitch of a wife on the TLC reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, has been spending time with his mothers house. And by that I mean banging the local girl's college volleyball team in Pennsylvania. Tongues have been wagging across several gossip blogs that Jon was recently seen at a Pennsylvania bar hitting on a much younger woman. He was spotted at Juniata College near his mother’s house in Huntingdon, PA, partying with the girls’ volleyball team on February 6. He is a guy with eight young monsters and a wife who is constantly on his case, so it's not surprising that Jon Gosselin needs to blow off some steam in a few college coeds. And in recent weeks, that is exactly what the star of the hit TLC reality has been doing, slipping away from his new $1.3 million mansion he gave to his mom to party the night away with a bevy of college cuties! Star Magazine reports:

Jon turned up, uninvited, to party thrown by Juniata College seniors Erin Albert and Mariel Little and ended up playing the drinking game beer pong with members of the women's volleyball team! "He was acting like a drunk, girl-chasing frat boy," one team member tells Star. "It really disturbed me. On the show he is so nice, but here, he was acting like an idiot." The following night he ended up at Memories Sports Bar & Grill. "He was dirty dancing with several girls from the volleyball team, making out, kissing them on their necks and mouths," says a witness in the bar. "He was all over one girl, a long-haired blonde who’s nearly 6 feet tall. He left with several of the girls, including her."

Mother Caught Driving While Breast-Feeding, WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE!

Kettering, Ohio'''Police say an Ohio mother has been charged with child endangering after another driver reported she was breast-feeding and talking on the phone while driving.

The 911 caller told police in suburban Dayton that he spotted the minivan-driving mother dropping off children at a school Thursday morning. Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton, who told them she was breast-feeding and wouldn't let her child go hungry. He says the child was younger than 2 years old. Burke says the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap, not that she was breast-feeding in public. He says she faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor. The women was spotted and reported by another motorist as she drove along merrily breast-feeding her child while talking on a cell phone.

And, after investigating Police told Compton that it's against the law to drive a car and not have all the children inside the car restrained. The mother says she didn't do anything wrong and may do it again. "I don't want anything to happen to any of my children, that's why I tell them to get in the seat belt, but this particular morning that child wanted to eat, and I did feed my child," said Genine Compton.